moondust & wanderlust

mrdiv:

hexa

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vi0letmassacre:

My dream house….

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fuuck-fat:

 ¨Saying that they don’t deserve to show their bodies in photos or by living is body shaming - a disgusting, horrific, shameful amount of it. Chubby girls flaunt their bodies, fat women flaunt their bodies, average woman flaunt their bodies. Why can’t thin or skinny women? Oh, that’s right, some people might find their existence triggering.¨

 I haven´t said that. I wouldn´t say such thing. Do you know me? Do you know how I look, how much I weigh? Why do you think I´m one of those people that ¨fight¨for chubby girls rights and are disgusted when they look at slim girls? I am not such person, you won´t hear that thing from me; maybe I´m one of those that are despised because of their look, lifestyle and illness?

(via unattainable--perfection)

fuuck-fat:

rsaffron:

Alright, I’d like to speak up. Could you get into an ill person’s mind for awhile? Ok, imagine that you don’t believe what you see in the mirror. That every day is a struggle, a battle with yourself. You wake up exhausted, because all those thoughts were screaming in your head all night. “You are not enough. Do something.”

I am not going to blame Felice Fawn for all those thoughts eating me up. I don’t despise, I don’t hate. Yet I still think it is done on purpose, all the latest Felice Fawn’s photos I’ve seen are incredibly triggering, the slenderness is first thing you notice - and probably first one you’re supposed to see. I blame society too; I feel I am guilty as well, I chose this path at some point, of course. But sometimes I have no choice, I just get pushed back into despair.

Now I want to be healthy. I try to use 100% of my energy to fight for myself. And something so little, such detail can be a trigger… one look at this photo, for example… all I can hear in my head is “you are not enough. you are not even close. you better starve yourself as you used to”. I am sorry, but that’s what I feel. 

I feel it’s not fair to publish such photos all over internet. Yes, it may be unfair for me to say. Everyone’s free. But I cannot help the fact all I want to feel again is hunger and pounds leaving my body. Images such as the one above provoke immediate response from my brain - “stop. eating.”. It doesn’t matter that this is not what photographer and model wanted to achieve.

I feel this way. It’s killing me, it is impossible to recover in a world like this, pictures once seen are burnt into my mind and appear whenever I want to be “normal”. Whenever I eat. My sick mind won’t let me sleep. It will keep repeating poisonous words until I get crazy once again.

One small impulse is enough to go a thousand steps back and get the thought that all this recovery is not worth giving up the beauty I secretly believe in - or which my illness pushes me to believe in. One stupid photo. A mind of an ill person is very sensitive, why people cannot see it… Why don’t they notice the despair ‘disordered ones’ feel?

It’s unfair.

^This pisses me off immensely.

 Summed up, you’re saying that pictures of skinny people shouldn’t be allowed anywhere. Magazines, Tumblr, Facebook, in real life, no where - just because you’re trying to recover from an eating disorder. I understand that recovery is hard enough without seeing photos of thin girls, but getting over the fact that they are skinny and no longer finding their photos/presence triggering is part of recovery too. Stores aren’t going to cover up their magazines when you waltz in, Tumblr isn’t going to block these photos from your dashboard, and the triggering girls in real life aren’t going to throw a sheet over themselves every time you come near. Saying that they don’t deserve to show their bodies in photos or by living is body shaming - a disgusting, horrific, shameful amount of it. Chubby girls flaunt their bodies, fat women flaunt their bodies, average woman flaunt their bodies. Why can’t thin or skinny women? Oh, that’s right, some people might find their existence triggering. What are they supposed to do, put on weight? Go to the gym and build some muscle? Have you ever considered that maybe they’ve tried that, but due to their metabolism, height, body build, etc, they can’t? Or perhaps they like their bodies and don’t want to change them. I know I’d rather be happy and have a few people dislike or avoid me for my weight than hate my body and have those few assholes like me.

 I’m absolutely repulsed by your narcissism. If you don’t want to see triggering girls online, avoid Tumblr, or maybe just shut off your Internet while you’re recovering. It’s a very simple, effective solution.

 No no, I said - everyone´s free to do what they please. Felice is beautiful, I´m really charmed by her beauty - and all I´m saying is that in her case/case of other sickly thin girl that way of affecting people may be dangerous. I do feel triggered when I see such photos, nothing can change that, but due to that fact I´m not going to judge skinny girls and comment on them too negatively. I just have that thought, that Felice is aware of being a ¨bad¨inspiration. And she herself says she´s still not recovered.

And I wasn´t talking about girls with fast metabolism, just the ones we know are/were ill, and yet they continue to show the unhealthy state of their body in huge amounts of photographic artworks, as a camouflaged thinspo. I am not telling anyone to gain weight (especially since I hate that thought myself) or hide their bodies under tons of clothes. But there´s a difference between posting 50 pictures of yourself, basically naked, when you know you´re still recovering and you are not yet completely healthy both physically and mentally; and hiding, hating your body and avoiding taking any picture of you… It is not the presence of a skinny girl that is triggering to me (or not that much), it´s the way she´s presenting herself and her illness.

I am not going to leave tumblr, thank you. I already try to avoid possibly depressing/triggering things as much as I can, and soon I may decide to hide in my own room and not leave it if I think this way…

I didn´t want to upset you or anyone else, just felt like I could express my feelings (just as Felice does; or as you just did, and that´s nice). I send you positive energy, do whatever makes you happy - cause that´s most important I think.

(via unattainable--perfection)

Alright, I’d like to speak up. Could you get into an ill person’s mind for awhile? Ok, imagine that you don’t believe what you see in the mirror. That every day is a struggle, a battle with yourself. You wake up exhausted, because all those thoughts were screaming in your head all night. “You are not enough. Do something.”

I am not going to blame Felice Fawn for all those thoughts eating me up. I don’t despise, I don’t hate. Yet I still think it is done on purpose, all the latest Felice Fawn’s photos I’ve seen are incredibly triggering, the slenderness is first thing you notice - and probably first one you’re supposed to see. I blame society too; I feel I am guilty as well, I chose this path at some point, of course. But sometimes I have no choice, I just get pushed back into despair.

Now I want to be healthy. I try to use 100% of my energy to fight for myself. And something so little, such detail can be a trigger… one look at this photo, for example… all I can hear in my head is “you are not enough. you are not even close. you better starve yourself as you used to”. I am sorry, but that’s what I feel. 

I feel it’s not fair to publish such photos all over internet. Yes, it may be unfair for me to say. Everyone’s free. But I cannot help the fact all I want to feel again is hunger and pounds leaving my body. Images such as the one above provoke immediate response from my brain - “stop. eating.”. It doesn’t matter that this is not what photographer and model wanted to achieve.

I feel this way. It’s killing me, it is impossible to recover in a world like this, pictures once seen are burnt into my mind and appear whenever I want to be “normal”. Whenever I eat. My sick mind won’t let me sleep. It will keep repeating poisonous words until I get crazy once again.

One small impulse is enough to go a thousand steps back and get the thought that all this recovery is not worth giving up the beauty I secretly believe in - or which my illness pushes me to believe in. One stupid photo. A mind of an ill person is very sensitive, why people cannot see it… Why don’t they notice the despair ‘disordered ones’ feel?

It’s unfair.

(Source: felicefawn.com, via )

diacetyl-morphine:

I love looking at rain falling on water. It’s my favourite thing ever.

infinitives:

The most wonderful sunset (by peter_panamint)

canvus:

(by amanda mason)

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